Confessions Of A Closet Lycanthrope
by MischiefManaged18
Summary: A closer look at the life of one R.J.Lupin. The best moments. The worst. By far the most memorable out of a life that was cut off far too quickly after far too much pain.


**Yayz first chapter of a whole new story! So I know, it's been like a month – actually probably more, after I disappeared totally from the radar after deleting my one and only story halfway through….. but I'm back now! : ) And I have some very exciting stories coming up * ****chuckles evilly**** * I hope you enjoy the start of this one about everyone's (well mine at least) favorite werewolf! **

**Disclaimer – I don't own Harry Potter. J.K Rowling does. I can prove this, because if I owned HP, the list of people who WOULDN'T die, would be more pages than the entirety of the series put together. Well. Maybe not. But close : ) **

Rain poured down from steely-grey clouds so hard and so fast, it felt like the individual drops were like miniature bullets trying to punch holes in Remus's skin. As he ran along the muddy driveway towards the small beacon of light on the horizon that was his parents old, forlorn looking little cottage, he was so fixated on getting inside, into the warm and dry, he didn't even notice he was being followed.

The rain was running down his forehead into his eyes which were already covered by the fringe of his sandy-colored hair, so wet it was plastered to his skin. His nine-year-old body was shrinking away from the freezing-cold of his damp raincoat and goose-bumps were running up and down his skinny limbs. Remus had only been planning on getting the mail from the end of the driveway, but the weather, he thought wryly, seemed to be convinced hypothermia was on the agenda.

At first the rustling in the bushes did nothing to worry him. It was the wind, just the wind, his ever-logical mind told him. Out in that closeted little corner of the-middle-of-nowhere England, it was totally inconceivable to little Remus John Lupin that anyone could possibly want to hurt him.

Skidding to a stop to pause for breath, Remus glanced up at the sky. Just visible beneath the thick patchwork of grey clouds, a pale full moon was visible in the early evening sky. He smiled at the sight. Everyone had always warned him that full moons meant werewolves, but to someone whose last name meant wolf, Remus had always considered the full moon to hold some sort of luck for him. Hopefully that luck would be the books he could tell were inside the package he was carrying, it felt heavy in his small hands, though his anticipation and longing to get inside to open it seemed to make it feel even heavier.

Beginning to feel his breathlessness subside, he set off again, though slower than before. The little house on the horizon was getting gradually larger and larger and he made an effort to quiet his shivering limbs with the idea of the armchair beside the fire and a large new novel, or failing that one of his fathers old Hogwarts textbooks, which though battered, torn and unimaginably out of date, were still fascinating to his eager, largely uneducated mind.

But it was not to be. The monster leapt out of the shadows faster than Remus's eyes could take in what was going on. It leapt on top of him, knocking him backwards to land on the path with a thud that rendered him not only unable to breath but unable to struggle as the – _thing, _sank sharp yellow teeth into the back of his coat and dragged him off the driveway and away into the forest that surrounded his home.

Heart thudding deafeningly loudly in his eardrums, eyes wide with shock and pure animal terror, he clawed and scratched at his attacker, waving his hands desperately through the air until his fingers met with what he immediately recognized as thick, matted grey fur like you would find on a dog – or a _wolf_. At that, his hands fell limply to his sides as he let his entire body go slack. Defeated.

Eventually the wolf stopped. It paused, raised its head to scent the air. Then, either sufficiently convinced there was no-one around _or – _and far more likely as Remus would someday learn – unable to bear waiting one second longer, it released its grip on the back of his coat, moving so that it was crouched over him, blunt front claws digging into his shoulder. Remus gasped, then gagged as he inhaled a breath full of the fetid, rotting stink that was rising off his attackers pelt.

With a snarl that sent a shiver as quick and painful as a whiplash through Remus's body, his attacker lowered its gaze to meet his. Just as Remus had feared, the face that looked down at him, was, indeed, a wolf – a huge greyish-yellow monster that looked like it had sprung out of some bizarre tale to terrify young wizards – but the eyes that met his wide-eyed stare, weren't the typical amber-yellow of a wolfs, but instead, startlingly grey and clear. And very, very human.

Time seemed to slow down as the monster drew its black outer lip back, revealing its impressive set of razor sharp, very, _very_ deadly teeth. Remus didn't even struggle didn't even flinch. He was trapped in the gaze of the wolf that was going to kill him, whose eyes were so human he could almost see through them into the workings of the mind beneath.

Teeth like daggers sunk into his shoulder, plunging down through flesh and muscle and bone. Remus didn't scream – couldn't scream, at first, because the pain was so great and so sudden that it was like his entire body just forgot how to function. Then with a jolt, terror kicked in, and before he knew it, the scream was rising away from his body, out of his mouth and towards the sky, all the way to the full moon that was beginning to elbow its way through the clouds to illuminate the entire sad, sorry scene. The sight of his lucky charm smiling seemingly satisfied down at his pain only made Remus scream louder, and he didn't stop, not even when his father, alerted by the noise, came running out the house, scaring the wolf-that-can't-have-really-been-a-wolf away with his shout and the bright light from his wand.

He wasn't silent until he'd been carried home, safe and sound in the bright-warm dryness of the house, the front door shut firmly against the light of the moon. But even then his scream still hung in the air. One long, loud howl of pain to the moon that was soon to become his worst nightmare.

**Even if you hated it, would you mind reviewing anyway…. Just because it makes me smile : ) … and because I'll give everyone who reviews chocolate chip cookies!**


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